How to approach someone you have a crush on

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How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by Bryan Dacote on Thu Jul 16, 2015 12:54 pm

Okay, now normally I'd start with something like "there's these girls I have crushes on but I'm an idiot and don't know how to talk to them"

but honestly; nope.

But I figure SOMEBODY out there does! So let's give these people some advice.

How do you approach someone you have a crush on? Whether they are a classmate, friend, coworker, someone you see on the street every day, whatever; how do you do it?

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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by gwidhw on Fri Jul 17, 2015 5:01 pm

It really depends on the context of your interactions, where you see them, what relation you have to them (e.g.: a friend of a friend, just a colleague of yours, a friend of yours, etc.), because these contexts and variables determine how you should approach the situation.

It's always easier if you know the person, easier still if you know them very well, and less so if you only know them, but they don't really know you.

The important thing is to establish communication between the two of you; once that's done, it's exponentially easier to approach them.

A main consideration to keep in mind is that confidence in yourself is important, as it shows that you're a stable person. Arrogance, on the other hand, comes across as a negative.

Really, there's no "best way" to approach someone, but rather, a more specific "best way for yourself". That may sound confusing, but let me explain.

There's no "catch-all method" that will work for everybody, and reading online such things as "dating tips" and "how to pick up ___s", do NOT help. They only provide information that is solely based on conjecture and personal opinions. What works for one, will not work for others.

You really just need to be yourself, be confident, don't sweat the small stuff, and if it doesn't go the way you planned, it shouldn't be the end of the world, or put a damper on your day. It's just another avenue out of the possible millions of avenues available at a given moment that isn't viable to pursue.

One problem that people do have, as a collective whole, is the worry that "what if ____ says 'no'..?" Well, so what if they do? Will that kill you? No. Will it disappoint you? Yes, but, so does taking candy from a baby disappoint said baby. They get over it, so should you, if need be.

You do need to keep a certain amount of considerations in mind, though.

- How long have you known the person?
- What is your relation to them? (explained above)
- What kind of personality do they have?
- What do you want to get out of them? (e.g.: a date, long-term, etc.)
- What do you have in common?
- What do you not have in common?

Don't approach the situation as a purely "OMFG I LOVE YOU PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME I NEED A GF/BF OMG PLEASE I'VE LIKED YOU FOREVER OH MAN MY HEART IS POUNDING IN ANTICIPATION" mindset, like so many people do and it crashes and burns, but also do NOT go in with the mindset of "Well, if you don't go out with me, I don't care; there's other people out there/I can date anyone else". Both are detrimental.

It's best to be honest, open, interested, but NOT desperate. That's pathetic and is a huge turn-off to everybody :l

The more you force yourself onto the person, and the more you push for them to like you, or spend time with you, without them having any form of commitment to you (e.g.: dating), is a horrible mistake that will push them further away from you.

You need to approach them as a friend, with a friendly mindset, confident that you're a good, respectable person, not better than anyone else, asking someone you really enjoy being around or spending time with if they would like to spend some more personal, intimate time with you. If they say no, that's fine, don't get upset, or just walk away. Stick around~!

The best thing you can do if you get rejected is stick around, and just enjoy being friends with whoever your interest is. Don't obsess, however, as it's creepy, a huge turn-off, and will degrade your relation with the person.

Just be you, hang out like nothing happened, and don't make them feel awkward. If you pull the "Oh, woe is me... I'm a lone wolf because the only person I ever [liked] rejected me... I'm going to be negative, edgy, and quietly express my unhappiness and loneliness and sorrow through a medium that is crying out loud for attention", then, well, your doing it wrong, and they are almost guaranteed to stay away from you, as they may think you need space, or they just feel really bad, and don't want to console you as it may give the wrong idea.

In short:

- Apply approach based on context and relation
- Don't obsess over it, but don't play it down too much
- Don't THINK too much
- If rejected, don't run away, but don't press them at all~!
- Be happy with wherever your relation ends up, even if it's not the desired outcome on your end; if you really like them, you'll respect their decision
- If accepted, show that you're glad, but don't gush over it
- Allow them some space to feel comfortable, and not pressured; that almost always will be a negative against you
- DO NOT go edgy/moody/depressive/angsty as a means of garnering attention; people do it without acknowledging why they are doing it; it's pathetic, and shouldn't be done.
- Be mindful of yourself, and their body language; if they like you, you'll know. If they don't, you'll know. If you're making them uncomfortable, it'll be obvious in their body language.
-If they like you, but are just unsure, give them the option to date you if they want, and tell them that you're interested if they are. Then, and most importantly, afterwards, invite them to friendly events, engagements, outings, etc, and gain exposure to them without pressuring them into feeling like "Oh, geeze... [them] again..."

The most common advice out there is "be yourself". That's mostly true, but more importantly, I'd say "Be MINDFUL of yourself", and dont fall into the negative traps I've mentioned.

Even though I've put a lot of info and suggestions here, keep in mind, that there's ABSOLUTELY NO "RULEBOOK" or "GUIDE", or "PROPER WAY" to approach people. Everyone is different, unique, and varying.

Do what feels natural to you, allows both you and your interest to be as comfortable as possible, and doesn't make you out to look like a desperate, a depressive, or otherwise obsessed individual. The majority don't want someone like that.

Be confident, not arrogant.
Be comfortable, not uncaring, or "cool".
Don't put on a facade or a character.
Don't be awkward by trying to impress.
Just be you, but be mindful of what you say, and how you say it.

Good luck, people~
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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by Tetora-Senpai on Mon Jul 20, 2015 11:10 pm

Just go up and say hi, then tell her(or him) you like her (or him). Also don't do it awkwardly and giggle and walk away it after tell them you like them, it sends mix message to the person you like and makes it feel like your messing with them. Talk to them after you tell them you like them.
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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by Guest on Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:17 am

There's no magic trick to it...
Grab them, and and up and at them.

Optionally you can always find a roundabout way, like sending them a letter, but I'd only recommend it if you're in school together and already friends or stuff. It's kinda cheesy and can come out as creepy otherwise.

The whole point being, is that if you want to go out with someone, you're gonna have to talk to them at some point...

I did it just a few days ago, and wish I'd done so way before...

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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by MonjaElisa on Fri Jul 31, 2015 3:23 pm

The solution is simple... do everything opposite what Id do... as for me...
Id stay or the far distance and watch over them for a long long time... maybe even eliminate my rivals hoping he would eventually see only me xD

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Time passes, people move...Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition...Young love will become deep affection... The clear water's surface reflects growth...''
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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by Guest on Sat Aug 01, 2015 2:07 pm

MonjaElisa wrote:The solution is simple... do everything opposite what Id do... as for me...
Id stay or the far distance and watch over them for a long long time... maybe even eliminate my rivals hoping he would eventually see only me xD

Yandere much? lol

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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by Bryan Dacote on Sat Aug 01, 2015 2:16 pm

I was thinking the same thing XD

Oh well its her style though XD

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"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part! You can't even passively take part! And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels…upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop! And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!" ~ Mario Savio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_C3yoxTSEk
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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by MonjaElisa on Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:37 pm

Datte... Im socially awkward so... coming forth is to be the worst solution... Id be rejected... xD But by staying in the distance and playing hard to get Id easily be able to catch his eye somehow... in a good way or bad depending on the person... but every bad feeling can easily be swayed depending on the person Very Happy
My heart is pure... if I want you Ill love you forever... if its forever in the distance or not.... THAT is your choice... LOL.

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Time passes, people move...Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition...Young love will become deep affection... The clear water's surface reflects growth...''
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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by Guest on Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:51 pm

How is that 'his' choice if he doesn't even know of your existence? Objection

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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by MonjaElisa on Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:58 pm

If others are erased from his sight he will see only me... and he will keep seeing me til I break him down staring from the distance <3

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Time passes, people move...Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition...Young love will become deep affection... The clear water's surface reflects growth...''
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Re: How to approach someone you have a crush on

Post by jordan_mikuza on Mon Oct 12, 2015 11:25 am

just try to say hi before you pass out from anxiety

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